Summer is setting in quite nicely here in Nanjing. The weather has actually been great so far. We’ve had our share of terribly hot days, but all in all, it hasn’t been too bad. Worse than the nice weather, though, is the feeling of things coming to a close. I really can’t believe tha the first semester here is nearly over! I came in knowing 3 sentences in Chinese and now I know at least 7!
Kidding aside, I really am somewhat surprised that I almost feel – dare I say it – settled down here in China. I’ve made friends, I’ve been terrified, and most importantly, I do believe I’ve grown a pretty good amount from that day in February that I touched down in China.
I think that the biggest thing I’ve learned in the past months has been about decision making and choices. I always thought that life was about small choices and sacrifices. Everyday brought a choice that one would have to make. To go to class or not, to be in a relationship or not, etc. While this is certainly true, the importance isn’t on these daily choices. It’s about one choice made at the beginning. The real decision lies in making a clear decision and committing to it. It’s all really about Commitment.
The commitment is important because the daily choices can all too easily be rationalized and justified and torn down if there is no clear goal at the end. “I will go to class” is good and all, but what’s wrong with missing a day unless the goal is to be the best student one can be? What’s one more drink or one more day of smoking if there is no goal?
I’ve spent the majority of my life slacking off and doing things half-assed. And I’ve been extremely lucky because things manage to work themselves out. But I’m not 16 or 20 anymore. And I can’t be the person I want to be unless I sit down, say “This is what I want” and get it done.
I used to be terrified of going to my characters class because I suck at characters. So I wouldn’t go to avoid the embarassment of looking dumb infront of my class. But by skipping class, I’d only get worse…
I go now. And while I still suck…I get better. Everyday I go to class, everyday I sit down and study and work and make an idiot out of myself at class asking dumb questions and making dumb mistakes…but I get better. And slowly, but surely, my classmates now take me seriously. More importantly, I take myself seriously.