Why hello there, my friend. I have missed you and wish to catch up. I’ve seriously neglected this site, and I’d like to place full blame on law school (I’m looking at you, ConLaw) but the truth of the matter is that I’ve been lazy and unimaginative. And since my life consists of the law library, stories of my awkwardness around girls have been curtailed. I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year (status: currently at 130 words. Supposed to be at approximately 5,000 by tonight) so, you know, that one’s going well.
Tomorrow is the election and I’m giving serious consideration about driving down to DC just to watch the election with some friends…and drink their alcohol. Thursday I’ll be driving down to DC in order to watch the wonderful Mountain Goats and the lovely and talented Kaki King perform at the 9:30 Club. I also plan to drink much alcohol there.
I am sitting at the library with my ConLaw book open. Half of the page is highlighted. I have 40 pages to read. I have read 2. I opened this book at 7pm. It is now 9pm. This makes me sad and makes driving down to DC for election night shenanigans seem very unlikely.
When I sneeze my nose squeaks.
Now let’s get some links out of the way:
- Stuff White People Like got lame about
710 months ago, the new SWPL is White Whine where yuppies complain about their tough lives. Example:
I donated to Obama like three weeks ago and I still haven’t gotten my car magnet! —Complaint #289
As chance would have it, I made this complaint not less than 4 hours ago.
- FiveThirtyEight is a numbers blog. To wit, it is an electoral polling analysis mecca of amazingness. I have been checking this site at least 6 times a day for the past month and a half and I have found myself riding the dizzying highs and terrifying lows that is the numbers game of polls. And while after two years of campaigning, the election will be over in about 30 hours, this is a blessed site.
(sidenote: The term “to wit” comes from the Old English word witan, which has roots in the Latin videre and the Sanskrit veda.)
- McSweeney’s. Now, I like to think of myself as somewhat intelligent. I read biographies of important people, I listen to NPR, I know esoteric stuff (see above history of the term “to wit”), and I watch independent movies. I like to think of myself as witty, and like all of those overcoming years of upper middle class suburban oppression, I like to write and think of myself as the next Vonnegut, Stoppard, or Twain (or Clemens for that matter). McSweeney’s has all of that and more. It is guaranteed to waste a lot of time as well as elicit many laughs. Example: So You’ve Been Buried Alive.
As most people know, live burial comes in two main forms—“encapsulated” (inside a coffin or other container) and “natural” (just the body). The latter form has become popular in recent years due to its green appeal. Although either experience is sure to be upsetting, there’s an important difference between the two. If you wake up inside a coffin, there’s a chance they truly believed you were dead. Are you a heavy sleeper? Do you tend to be slothful? Did you recently ingest a drug that causes total paralysis and slows cardiopulmonary function? If you answered yes to any of these questions, try to withhold judgment about what could be an honest mistake.
And lastly, I really like this image and so let’s leave it off with this
